Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
