Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
