my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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