ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
