I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I can't trust your balls anymore.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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