I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just threw up on my dentist
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
