went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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