Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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