Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
