Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
