these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
