Dual....:-)
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
