My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize