I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
