I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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