Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
