I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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