Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
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you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
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By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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