i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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