4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
