Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
