i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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