Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
