You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
