JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
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You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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