I looked at my own cervix.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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