The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
