I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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