never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
