I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
