So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
