we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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