I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
