meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
