Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
