We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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