you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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