I accidentally had phone sex last night
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
