HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
