We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
