I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
