I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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