i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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