I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
