we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
