"it" just moved
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize