First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
