I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
