you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
