spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I deserve this hangover.
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