I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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