just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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