im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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