My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
