The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
