the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
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you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
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Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.