Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
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all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
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because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?