K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?