Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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