it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
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You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
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She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.