Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
