now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
