I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
