I need help removing her.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
