The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
