help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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