Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
