well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
