So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize